i overslept today, it was supposed to be my first piano lesson. i feel awful. i would be home by now anyway. plus i may make some money tomorrow. uggggg. is being a night person a sleeping disorder? why do i have to make everything pathological. no, its not, im just upset. i was really looking forward to it. i guess i will go next week.

so, about wanting to have kids. i want to have a baby and my boyfriend isnt sure. i am 35. i dont understand how it is he cant spend so much time thinking about things. he will think and think and think about what he wants. i dont really have the years of analysis that he could easily spend.

love is starting to look different to me. when i was young, i think i bought into all this, women dont need anything from men, and etc etc etc. but we do. we need them to be committed to us and ultimately, i believe, most of us will choose to have a baby. we need a man that can do that and who wants to do that and who can be a good husband and father.