i am sitting here thinking how miserable i am. and how much i hate people…..i am so sick of the way people give advice and talk about love and relationships and act like oprah, the most annoying person on the planet. i am sick of people who try to control others and are rude. I am sick of my boyfriend who is crazy. i keep getting my heart broken by him. not in major ways, just little things that break my heart. he is kind of nutty, but so am i. yet, i start thinking how great it will be to live with him, snuggle up on the couch with him at night. make dinner together. have a kid together and watch finding nemo a thousand times. then, he tells me that he is going to have to rewash all of the laundry because he thinks there might be some dust on it. he is ocd. he is nuts. i spent hours washing the laundry, and he wants to redo it. i dont have time….not that i will redo it, its just stupid.

and for some reason, something that small makes me feel like its not going to happen the way i dream about it. i am not an idiot. i know that people are just people and that romance is…..fickle. but i want at least to be happy. what if i am made to not be happy. what if its genetic. my mother AND father were just, not very good parents. i mean, they were …. nevermind. i want stability, and i keep looking for it and looking for it. i am stable. but i need people that are too. but it seems like everyone is either stupid, mean, boring, selfish or something else. i feel overwhelmed right now and nothing is making any sense. i am not making any sense and i know it. i just sound angry and lonely. i am….